I am so proud of my grandparents for so many reasons!  The love and commitment they model to all those around them is beautiful.  I have been privileged to spend most of my life with my grandparent’s in my back yard.  What a gift my parents gave my brother and I, the chance to share regular life with our grandparents, not just holidays and birthdays, but real, everyday life.   I have memories of getting up early and sneaking into the living room to rock with my Grandma, just me and her.  She would rub my head and sing to me, it is such a special memory that it brings tears to my eyes and I type as they stream down my checks.  I smile as I remember trips to the dump with my Granddad, just me and him.  He would let me “sneak” sips of his black “Folgers” coffee which I hated the taste of, but loved that my Granddad would share this with me.

As I got older they were always there.  Bundled up watching our cold sporting events or dressed to nine’s at my Rhody coronation.  When I think back to my middle school and high school years I am blown away to think of how supportive of me they were, even when I know they had to be shaking their heads at some of my choices.  To this day I can say my Grandparents love me unconditionally.  Their faces still light up when our eyes meet.

Have I always done a good job of staying connected to them? Loving them they way they love me? No, I am sorry to say that I haven’t.  I never realized how blessed I was to have them, not only to love me, but to help take care of me.  As I grew up I spent countless hours with them.  My Granddad took Jake and I hiking, fishing, exploring, and was always there when he was needed to doing something like build a bus stop or bunny cage!  Grandma took us to school, made our birthday cakes, cared for us in whatever way we needed, cooked hundreds of meals and desserts for us, and was just there whenever we  needed her.

They are committed people.  Committed to each other, to family, and now to God.  It has been a real blessing to me over the last 12 years to watch as their life has changed. My Granddad has fallen in love with his savior in the later part of his life and my Grandma has been reunited with hers.  I rejoice to think about spending eternity with them both.

In the last 10 years my Granddad has stepped up his commitment to his wife as she has struggled with Dementia.  I wish everyone could witness what I’ve seen in him over these last few years.  He takes care of my Grandma in a beautiful way.  Granddad has unwavering commitment  as he deals with all the things she used to do: cooking, cleaning, shopping, keeping the calendar, etc.  He cares for her in a way that makes me know he loves her.  It is an unconditional love and I am privileged to watch him as he struggles and wins the battle to keep persevering each and every day!

I love you so much Granddad and Grandma!  I love all the memories we share and that my kids get to know and love you too.  Your influence on my life will last and helps me love my kids and husband better.  Thank you for your commitment to each other and the impression it has had on my life.  Thanks for always being here for me, I am thankful for you each and every day!

This is my most recent picture of them, from Christmas time!

This is the picture that was in our local paper announcing the news of their anniversary!

Four years later Ally has brought joy to our home.  She fits the profile of a middle child perfectly, she is a mediator, the one who brings balance and has a way of smoothing over a tense situation.  She is VERY aware of her feelings and she is sympathetic and empathetic to others.  As she has become aware of the world around her she has become shy.  This “new” shy stage has been going on for over 6 month now so I am beginning to wonder if it is a stage or the real Ally…time will tell.  What I do know is she jumps joyfulling and completely into things when she jumps, it just takes a while for her to make the plunge.

Ally loves her friends and family, but is leery of people she doesn’t know, especially older boys and men.  The other kids don’t struggle with shyness or timidity and I don’t either, so it is hard for me, as the mom, to figure out how to help her through this.  I just keep encouraging her and putting her in safe but stretching situations, we will see if she decides to leave the shy person behind or if this is the real Ally.

Ally loves to play imaginatively.  She spends lots of time talking to her dolls and having them talk to each other.  She also loves to “read” books on the couch to herself or Austin.  She has a very animated face and expressions when doing these things and I just love watching her, as long as she doesn’t realize I am because if she does it all goes away and she pulls back into herself.

Ally loves to play with Zoey and Austin at home and her best friends are Sierra and Gretel.  She is so lovable and easily connects with those she spends time with.  Her teacher tells me that she is really good at trying to include everyone when she is playing, as well as sitting quietly and wait her turn to talk during circle time.  She enjoys school and loves art.  She becomes so passionate about her projects that she often begins using other surfaces for expression (paints off the paper.)

Ally is a fashionista, she loves clothes and accessorizing.  She plans out very carefully what she wants to wear and she notices what others are wearing.  She either LOVES clothes or hates them, because of this she ignore most items in her drawer and only wears a small handful of what is available to her.  This bother’s me at times, but fighting to convince her that she should wear something different is just not worth it most days (if it wasn’t for her school uniform she would wear 2 different dresses, two shirts and stretch pants only, oh yeah, and her bathing suits!)  Ally cares about her outfit down to the socks, panties, and hair style. I wish I could express how passionate she is about this.  She has even begun coming into my closet and voicing her opinion about my clothes and outfits!  One day I let her pick out my church clothes and she was OVER THE TOP excited for me to get dressed come Sunday morning (she had decided what I should wear on Thursday!)

Ally Facts:

Weight: I think about 40 pounds but I will update this after her doctor appointment

Height: 41 inches

Size: 4T pants, 5T-6 sized shirts, not sure about the shoes because she only will wear one pair that is probably 2-3 sizes too big…

Favorite Foods: Fruit (strawberries, oranges, bananas, mango, berries, and more!), bread products, cheese, pretzels, Salmon, chicken legs, macaroni and cheese, water with crushed ice, roasted broccoli and asparagus, sour cream

Food dislikes: most soups, casseroles, scrambled eggs (4 out of 5 days of the week that is)

Nic-Names: baby girl, Capri, Ally girl, sweet girl

Favorite activities: doing art projects, painting, cutting, sticking, reading to herself, playing dolls by herself, talking to and playing with play horses by herself, being crazy with Austin, being naked, changing her clothes, being “sock less” (just like Mama)

Learning:  Ally has learned all her numbers and almost all the letters.  She spends hours every week writing names (usually mine and hers!) and can now draw pictures of and write the names of everyone in our family!  She loves to make people, especially ones with long hair and dresses!  She also loves to report to me all the facts and information she soaked up at school each day.  It is so fun to hear about what she learned and how it came through her “Ally filter.”

 Ally,

You bring a deep joy to my life.  What a blessing God gave me in you.  As I watch you grow and learn it is exciting, but I know that you can’t keep your innocent, cute way about you forever so it makes me sad to watch the world scare you into shyness, I hope you can overcome it through realizing your identity in Christ.  I love how you march to your own beat.  You don’t go along with the crowd just because, you only do things you want to do.  Your hair is your most obvious feature, but if people take the time to look into your heart is so much more beautiful than even that hair.  I feel blessed to be one of those people who knows your heart.

As you grow and learn I am excited to watch the wonder of the world become a passion you love to pursue.  Your adventuresome spirit outside brings joy to my heart.  I love watching you explore and make believe.  I know you can’t wait for the naked days of summer when you can run around free of the confines of socks and shoes; don’t lose the joy of the simple pleasure of grass on your toes too soon, okay?  You were made for bike riding, summer dresses, and bathing suites, don’t live too far away chasing the sun when you grow up, mommy will miss you too much!

I love you my forever baby girl, Mama

As I begin to shift my focus to our schooling choices for next year I am obsessed with thoughts of balancing myself and who I am as a person and the kids and who I am as their mother. How do I do well in all these areas and still take care of me? I want to be there, totally invested in them, but I also know that 16 years from now they’ll be off pursuing themselves and I’ll be left with myself, I don’t want to forget who I am.

Because Brandon and I weren’t here when it happened my parents had to comfort the kids when we told them the pigs were gone.  Zoey cried, but everyone else seemed like they took it okay; Ally and Austin appear to be completely unaffected.  Since I wasn’t around for “d-day” I wasn’t confronted with my feelings until we returned to an empty pen.  We have been home 8 days now and I am still thinking about the pigs, looking for them, and “remembering” that we need to feed them, except there is nothing to take care of.  I am also struggling with the fact that now I am throwing away “perfectly good slop.”  Why does it feel like we have more food waste now that the pigs are gone?  Ironic?

Now we wait for the pork.  Ally keeps saying, “I can’t wait to eat that tasty bacon!” which reminds me that there was an ultimate purpose  to all of this and it will all be worth it once we are enjoying good quality pork!  We didn’t raise these pigs from piglets, care of them, and then kill them for no reason, but right now it kinda feels like that.  We are still evaluating our feelings and if we will do this again in the spring, but I am voting yes because I miss our pigs, even though they were big and smelly at the end, they were always gentle and nice and fun to watch.

Each time I look out the window and expect to see them I have to remember what happened.  Is it strange that I keep thinking about it?

When we got home last week I asked Austin, just to see what he would say, “Where are the pigs?”  To which he matter-of-factly replied, “Slaughtered.”  Apparently he’s been listening…

Here are the pigs the day we got them, about 8 weeks old.  They never stopped being close together, just like in this picture, but they did learn to give each other space, when needed!

Here they are at the end, note the obvious difference in their size but also what they did to their pen!  Pretty amazing what can happen in 5 months!

Uncle B and Kai enjoying a book together!

Skypeing with the kids.

Kai and Aunt Cory enjoying the sun and some shopping.

Sunset at a beach in La Jolla

Family Picture time!  Nate, Kai and T

Sushi picnic at the beach!

Being silly is so much easier (for me) without the kids!

Kai’s walking, and will be running soon enough!

Fun times at mini golf!

Dinner at Stone Brewery, just the 4 of us, SO FUN!

Kaison and Daddy hard at work.

Fun at the park with Kai and Mama.

Guess who got his first haircut while we were there?

The 4 of us (didn’t Kai take a nice picture

Last loves on Kai before we left.

]]> http://www.ferensfamily.com/a-week-away/feed/ 2 http://www.ferensfamily.com/snow-finally/ http://www.ferensfamily.com/snow-finally/#comments Wed, 25 Jan 2012 05:33:37 +0000 Cory http://www.ferensfamily.com/?p=2854 Last week we had the most amazing time of snow!  It was so fun and cold and beautiful.  One thing I love about winter is these 2-3 day snow breaks we get usually every year.  It is so fun to have an unexpected break from life where you have to rest and stay home because you can’t leave!  There is something magical about it and I thought we were going to miss it this year, but last week it happened and it was a good one!  Tons of snow, a whole week off of school, and lots of fun!  We are still without a camera so I missed some of the best moments from the week but I did manage to snap a few pictures with my mom’s camera on the first day of the snow (before there was too much for her to come over!)

Looking back on the cleanse I have to say, it wasn’t that horrible.  The first 6 days were much harder than the last 4.  When I got to my first “eating day” I wasn’t quite sure what to do, in fact the first thing I did was drink a smoothie!  I could have kept going, but it was Ally’s birthday weekend and I wanted to be part of what was going on.  That brings me to my main struggle, feeling socially isolated by the cleanse.  Not being able to eat most things was not the problem, the hard thing was not being able to participate in what was going on. Wow, it is a challenge to sit at the dinner table and not share in what everyone else is doing!

So would I do it again, yes?  Sometime soon? Probably not.  What I am considering doing is having a fruit and veggie only day once a week.  I would pick a day that would be easiest to do this on (i.e. a day when I don’t need to be around other people eating socially.)  My main motivation for doing this weekly would be to help me stay on track with my veggie intake.  I could drink smoothies all day long, but sometimes I struggle with eating enough veggies with my normal meals.  This way I could only stray from the plan for 6 days before I have to drag myself back to it.  I’m not sure if this is what I will do or not, I’m still throwing the idea around in my mind, I’ve only been off the cleanse for 5 days so I’m still finding my new normal.  All I know is I’m not starting next week because I’ll be in San Deigo on vacation (for me, work trip for Brandon) so that is not the time to cleanse!  Talk about feeling socially isolated…

I am so glad I did the cleanse.  My body feels better, I dropped some pounds, and I generally feel healthier.  I am also benefiting from a smaller stomach, therefore I’m not feeling like I need to eat so much to get full! Bonus for sure.

Today my Ally Capri turned 4, I can’t believe it!  I know I say that every time one of my kids has a birthday, but I feel that way every time!  We had a great weekend celebrating her with family and friends.  I will write more details about who Ally is at 4 next week, but for now here she is with her “red bottom monkey cake” otherwise known as a sock monkey.  Isn’t my husband talented?

I love you Ally Capri, you are a true joy and sweetness spews from you!  Glad you loved your “red bottom monkey family birthday.”

And now to make matters worse it’s snowing and what do I want to do when it is all wintery outside?  Bake, cook, drink warm drinks, and eat!  I love these small periods of “winter” we get around here, I wait for them all year long.  It is finally happening and I can’t fully enjoy…man, that is hard!  So the question of the day is, can I maintain my cleanse and bake?  Can I resist the temptation when it is placed right in front of me?  Should I even put myself in that position???